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Dating as a trans woman

August 13, 2019 2 Comments

A GUEST BLOG POST BY JORDYN RENDAL

I am so excited (and tbh a little anxious) to be able to have the opportunity to have a platform in order to tell my story and maybe give others a perspective they may have never thought of before. One of the topics that I am planning on covering is being an open trans woman in the city after having lived as an out gay man for about 13 years...and what a trip it's been so far.

Dating apps for anyone, in general, are tedious and not enjoyable, for a lack of better words. In case anyone isn't aware before I go on, "cis-gender" means your gender identity matches what you were assigned at birth. I've definitely found that in my recent experience, having dated gay men for the last what feels like 17000 ions, straight men (cis or trans) are a completely new and foreign ballgame to me (literally and figuratively). The fact that I'm open to dating and finally just being myself makes it more enjoyable, however the treatment  I receive from some guys is just gross and tasteless and now I can relate to all women everywhere more than ever before.

Who knew you could be so offended by a dick pic? Being a single female is hard enough as it is, so gentlemen please we beg you - stop with the aggressive dick pics. They are alarming and offensive and never anticipated (unless you warn a sister first or we ask for it then bring it on)! The sad part about dating as a trans woman, I hate that it falls into stereotypes, is often pretty unfortunate.  4/5 men I may potentially connect with/match with on a dating app will vanish as soon as they realize/learn about my being trans although I state it in plain sight on any of my social pages...so like I said, generally just disappointing in a lot of ways, unfortunately. However, that's also not to say I'm not hopeful - just moderate expectations lol.

And on another side note, I hope to see you at our panel on August 24th as it's going to be a load of fun in a female eccentric environment and can probably guarantee will be the most fun you'll have had with a room full of the most fun females. Early bird tickets are available here.


xx, Jordyn

Jordyn is on our storyteller panel at the Ladylike Chat Vol. 2 in Winnipeg, August 24th! There are still a few early bird event tickets left reserve yours HERE 

 

Babe crew, sweatshirt, RRDI, Jordyn Rendal, Trans, WomanABOUT Jordyn Rendal:
Instagram: @jrendal

Jordyn Rendal is a spunky 28-year-old nonbinary trans woman who came out just a short year ago! As a new up and coming drag artist and after over a decade of fashion modeling with swish models, we have Jordyn here to share some stories about her personal experiences with self-esteem, dating, and her budding career. 

*Interview Questions Below

 

 

INTERVIEW QUESTIONS: 

I am inspired by your openness to share your story and like anyone's journey working on self-acceptance, self-love, and seeing beyond the sum of our parts is constant work. 

1) You modeled the 'Fuck Body Hate' t-shirt why are you so excited to be a part of the Body Positive message? What does it mean to you?
Honestly, just being asked to be a part of a shoot and having the chance is flattering as is let alone being able to be a part of something bigger than myself - a movement, a feminist proclamation of self-love which to me is exactly what it is!

2) Body positivity is so important. How do you find peace within the in-between stages as you go through changes emotionally and physically? 
Well, I'd be 1000% lying if I said every day is roses and butterflies and I don't look in the mirror on bad days thinking "ugh, why this body that I'm stuck with?" but, if there is one thing my mom worked hard to instill in me as a single mother it was to love and nurture myself. It truly does take time at the end of the day, but reminding yourself of these things on the regular is the real key. My body is absolutely a temple and over the years it's been a real tough time teaching myself to appreciate the vessel I have - the fact that me showing myself self-love could perhaps reflect onto someone younger who may feel the same or similar is what keeps me going. Was I born into a body I'm crazy about? Not entirely every day if I'm being transparent, but I know when all is said and done I'm in a position that is meant to be embraced so I really do put all of my eggs into that basket lol.

3) What do you wish you knew before you came out as a trans person?
As a trans person who identifies with the female experience, I've been surprisingly lucky to have some real solid individuals in my life who love and support me in my journey regardless of what that may entail. With that said, if there was anything anybody could tell me before transitioning it would be that men when it comes to dating can be annoyingly similar regardless of their sexual preference lol. That and the fact that as I'm now presenting female, the attention I receive nowadays (wanted or not) is new and foreign to me. I mean on one hand I love when a guy may want to give me a compliment but there's a huge difference between a compliment and sexual harassment and sadly not as many men are aware of this as they should be.

4) What are some stereotypes that need to F*ck right off?
Stereotypes, what a topic. Honestly...the majority if not all of them are bullshit! One huge one that comes to my mind in particular that I heard constantly growing up which was "be a man", like excuse me Heather YOU be a man! lol. I mean, I'm not man-hating but seriously what does saying something like that point to? It is the epitome of toxic masculinity and that is something I'm absolutely not here for. That insinuates that men are a superior gender/being, that being or acting feminine is lesser than when none of this is actually factual - it’s ignorant thinking. That's one that surely grinds my gears, I must say.

5) What has been the hardest obstacle in your transition so far? How did you overcome it, or did you?
In terms of the hardest obstacle, I'd say it's just generally coming out and telling everyone - however at this current point in my life, no family member or friend doesn't know.  Also, being constantly misgendered for my appearance isn't the greatest feeling, of course. It sucks we live in a society where it takes me wearing 10lbs of makeup to resemble most what is the epitome of a female. And even though I describe this as an obstacle, I feel for myself that it will most likely be a lifelong battle to come to these terms as I don't feel I need or HAVE TO get any surgery or anything of the sort simply to make people generally more comfortable with me fitting into their idea of the gender binary. Not here for it, sis!

6) How has transitioning helped you grow as an individual?
The level of personal growth from the time I came out a little over a year ago fast forward to now is beyond my own recognition. Not only am I living my life authentically but I am teaching so many people about trans people and trans issues whether it be my friends who might not know, my family members or even in the place of work! There is no feeling in my mind that is more liberating than being yourself as true as you can be and that's precisely what I've been doing since coming out as a trans female and it feels fucking fantastic. I mean, we all continue to learn and grow throughout our entire lives yet at this point in my 28 years, this is the most I have ever felt I've known myself...and that is a priceless feeling that I'd never have otherwise.

7) Who is your style icon? Do you find it hard to shop for clothing? Why or why not?What can the fashion industry do to be more inclusive?
If I had to pin down a fashion icon I would probably have to give it up to some transgender celebrities who really resonate with me, Laverne Cox - she makes every and any red carpet look appear so effortless and whimsical. I stan Laverne Cox - she is such an inspiration and a stunning individual all in all. For myself, I've had a really amazing and lucky last year as since coming out I've had an outpouring of donated female clothing from many girlfriends of mine which has been without a doubt an absolute godsend. With that said, when I DO need to go to a mall to find something, I tend to manage when it comes to finding something that fits right - but saying that, it varies depending on the store and brand no matter where I'm shopping. If in my mind, to make the fashion industry more inclusive let’s ditch the labels for "women's" or "men's" sections in clothing stores. In a perfect world, to me, I see a clothing store representing EVERYONE by simply removing labels. If a guy wants to go rock a crop top he found in the ladies section then more power to him, and if a young lady feels like she'd like to wear men's underwear under her skirt then I say FUCK IT - do and wear what is going to make YOU feel the most comfortable! (as long as you aren't harming anyone of course)

8) Why are the ‘Ladylike Chats’ important?
I would love to acknowledge that to me, the ladylike chat is important because we’re here to make sure we are making our presence known! To make anyone who identifies with the female experience feel included in the conversation while hearing a variety of stories from others which will enlighten you and give a different perspective you may or may not have ever thought of.

 

 



2 Responses

Jessica Barylski
Jessica Barylski

August 18, 2019

I am super proud of you Jordyn! I love this blog post and I am so glad you’re sharing so openly and authenticity. 😘

gGeorgia
gGeorgia

August 13, 2019

J, i am so proud of you and all your many milstones in discovering yourself. I knew you were as someone once said " a princess" and to me I did not see it in any harmful manner, You totally rock the way you do and always have. I am here for all the support in the world throughout this. Im sorry im not in Winnipeg anymore but I can tell you I have many memories that click in in regards to us and our many adventures. You are a dimanond but , not in the rough, more like… " in the light" you are shining , and brightly at that !
Love you
from Regina Georgia haha

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Sizing Chart

Made to order in the following sizes:

XSmall:
Bust 30-32 
Waist 24-25 
Hip 32-34 

Small:
Bust 32-34 
Waist 25-27 
Hip 34-36 

Medium:
Bust 34-36
Waist 27-29 
Hip 36-38 

Large:
Bust 36-38
Waist 29-31
Hip 38-40 

XLarge:
Bust 38-40
Waist 31-33
Hip 40-42