Do you remember your first orgasm?
I do! I didn’t even know that’s what it was at the time. I remember feeling self-conscious and embarrassed at my shaking, flailing body. My partner, however, responded somewhat differently. “That was F***ING hot. You are f***ing hot!” And here I am wanting to shrink away and disappear. He had loved my body’s response to the pleasure he was giving me, why couldn’t I?
It’s now 25 years later and here’s what I’ve discovered. Our bodies are amazing and our desires are real. We must be open to exploring our pleasure. We must be open to learning from ourselves and our partners without shame or fear of judgment. That’s where the magic happens.
I too, now love how my body responds to physical pleasure. I embrace it and let it play out exactly like it wants to, without shame or fear. In fact, I believe one of the things that makes me feel sexy and empowered is how readily I take control of my own pleasure. The sexier I feel, the more my senses are heightened, the more intense my pleasure.
Let’s talk about this and all the goodness surrounding it, on October 16th at Kinship Studio in Winnipeg, Manitoba.
The guest blog is written by Terra Carter
WHO IS SHE?
Terra has been called bossy, brutally honest and sometimes, loosely, a singer. She's' a mom of 2 teenagers and has managed not to pull all her hair out. She finds humor in almost anything and is known to throw down F-Bombs more than your average 'lady'.
Terra helps her clients uncover and address old beliefs and behaviours that are no longer serving them. By reorganizing the brain and the corresponding emotions, Terra guides you to achieve transformative and long-lasting results.
For more about Terra and her coaching services check out her website. https://www.terracarter.com/
1) When do you feel the most desirable?
I feel most desirable when I slow down enough to really see myself. As a woman in her 40's, I have discovered the power of seeing myself and not just being seen. Sometimes I feel sexiest when I'm just out of the shower, clean and fresh, uncovered by makeup. Sometimes, I feel most desirable when I contribute intellectually to a conversation. When I feel strong and smart and capable, I feel sexy. I can also feel desirable when I'm being honest and vulnerable. I think I feel the least desirable when I neglect myself, my mind, my body, and my boundaries.
2) Do you or have you ever experience guilt around sex?
OMG yes! I'm a woman, after all! The times I've experienced guilt around sex have been when I've compromised my boundaries, my needs or my feelings in order to appease my partner. Now, as a 42-year-old, I've learned how to say no when it doesn't fit for me and to be ok with that. The beautiful thing about that is how much more enjoyable sex is when I CHOOSE it for the right reasons. When you engage in sex for the wrong reasons, you create unnecessary tension in your body that your partner can sense. You build walls that take a lot of awareness and work to break down.
3) What are some tips on how to communicate with your partner about your desires and what makes you feel good?
Honestly, be brave and say it. Be honest. 9 times out of 10, your partner will ask, why didn't you just tell m
4) What should you do if your partner has a lower libido than you or if you have a lower libido than your partner?
Connect, connect, connect. Touch one another, non-sexually. Be warm, laugh and have fun. Be ok with it. Your libidos don't need to match. You do need to understand one another needs though and try to be sensitive to those. When you're in a loving partnership, part of your pleasure is your partner's pleasure. Make time for one another.
5) Why are the Ladylike Chats so important for women?
As women, we are very good at convincing ourselves that our feelings, our experiences, and our contributions are weird, gross, wrong, unreasonable or crazy. These chats are so important as they create a community where we can 'out' ourselves and see that we all have the same shame but we need not carry it anymore. We can set ourselves free and learn a new way to freedom through pleasure.